By Sandy (Welch) Thompson
My purse is too big. And then again, it’s not big enough. I am so conflicted. Technically a purse should be a container for your money and your identification. Maybe a lipstick thrown in, but still simple, ya know? Somewhere I went terribly wrong. Currently I have a giant bag. I should be ashamed to even call this thing a purse. But it was a gift from my daughter so I carry it proudly. Well, I drag it a lot of times, you get my point. Does it have a wallet? Yes. Does it have my ID? Yes. That’s where it should end, right? So cute I would even entertain the idea of that simplicity. When you have a big purse, you don’t just transfer your stuff to it from a previously carried smaller one. You GROW into it. You have more room when you upgrade in size! Ya gotta use it! Heck, forget the teacup Yorkie, I can carry a St. Bernard or a small child in my purse! When I got this new bag, it was like going from an efficiency apartment to the Penthouse suite! Oh the many, many necessities I have at my fingertips now. Or so I thought. In order to find out where I went off track, let’s strip this thing down and find out what the real culprits are in a “purse”. Apparently, I am a hoarder. My purse contains those essentials of course, but that is not where it ends. This sucker has lots of extras. If I was selling it, it would sound like a really cheesy used car advertisement. There is so much more than the basic value of a purse. For instance, I reached in my purse to grab a pen the other day (something typical you would find in a purse) and voila…I found an unwrapped piece of chewed gum. Lucky me! My kiddos are always sharing little gifts like that with me. Precious babies. And like a good worm when you go fishing, this gum wasn’t alone. Oh no, no, no, I also caught a few other things. Gum is good bait. There was a quarter on one side of the sticky goo and whadda ya know – a paperclip on the other side. Surprise! So many “accessories” with one stop! I fished for more! Surely with the junk out of the way, I could get to the important stuff in there, like maybe lip balm. I found my balm alright. The lid was off, courtesy of Nunu I bet, and it was rolled all the way up. When I found it, my fingers squished into it, and since I couldn’t see it, I was just grossed out until I discovered what it was. When I finally pulled it out, it had fur on it and I think, Nerds candy. I’m really not sure. These are not the only treasures in there. It’s unreal, truly. I carry more make up than I even wear. I have my devotional book in there and sometimes even my lunch container. I could carry less I suppose, but then that would waste this vast new space, now wouldn’t it? And who am I kidding? If I went back to a smaller purse, I would have overflow. Where would that overflow go? Well, I have the answer for that too. It’s called my car. It’s just an extension of my purse, no matter what size I carry. Whenever I go to my sister’s house, she always “garage sales” my car. Generally it’s worth it to her. I tell her, “Everything’s a quarter!” She loves it. There’s usually a bottle of perfume on the floor, some moisturizer that never made it the house…heck, we have even salvaged a long-forgotten dropped box of mints and stray mascara. It is a garage sale after all, so none of it has to make sense. I’m not ashamed. I made $3 just last week! Oh sure you can always find a snack or two (thousand) in the floorboard or seat. There is always at least two or three pairs of my kids’ shoes in there¸ maybe ONE glove and a couple hoodies, some goggles from the swim park this past summer and dried up markers. I saw some sun block under the seat and found a library book that I now own because I couldn’t find it when it was due. Recently I found a thumb splint that Teenie had when she smashed her finger and there is even a boot thing for when you hurt your foot. That jewel has been in there for about 8 months…seriously. And anyone who knows me at all, is well aware that I have floss everywhere, unused of course. Yeah…it’s just a big ol’ purse on wheels. My point is, I don’t know where to draw the line. If I go to a smaller purse, I have to get a bigger car. If I clean out my car, I am gonna have to build on to the house. It’s all so much to consider. For now I guess maybe I’ll just shave my lip balm and keep fishin’.