Sandy (Welch) Thompson
I don’t watch a lot of television. Well I say that, but I mean like REAL television. It’s usually limited to cartoons, a DVD that the girls want to watch over and over, or something else that is geared to the tiny folk in my house, not the adults. When I do get to see “big people” TV, I generally watch crime shows with high drama and such. I loooove those kinds of shows! Mystery, passion, problem solving, psychological thriller shows – yeah buddy, that’s my cup of tea. They are a wee bit different than the drama performances I get in the mornings from the girls – you know…the ones that start with, “Dis shirt is ugwee and I’m frowin’ it in da trash!” Yeah I know. It’s hard to believe sweet angelic babies would ever do anything like that, but it happens occasionally…well sometimes…okay a lot of days, but the point remains I like big people TV when I can watch it. I don’t have any DVR or even cable for that matter, so I still get to enjoy all the commercials between the scenes of each show. Never recognized that as a benefit before. But now, after really paying attention to a few commercials, I have great hope for an immediate make over. Right after I get home from the store! Being network television there are plenty of advertisements telling you what to buy, what to wear, what to use. Well, I took advantage of their expertise. As I watched, I started making a grocery list that will surely change my family’s lives. I can’t wait to see the results after we start usin’ this stuff. All from commercials of all things! I saw people transformed right before my eyes. Simple miracles that apparently happen every day, to plain ol’ people like me. That’s right – a few basic revisions on your list and Bing! Bang! Boom! Your life will can be brighter than ever! OOOOOHHHHH this is gonna be great! For instance, one lady was cleaning the bathroom with her old cleaner. She looked terrible! Her hair was in a pony tail, she had zero make up on and was frownin’ the whole time. I thought to myself, “Self…that is so you!” So I started paying closer attention. Then…someone magically appeared in her bathroom and handed her a new type of cleaner. As soon as she switched, seriously JUST AS SOON AS SHE SWITCHED….next thing ya know, she looks like a supermodel. It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes! She was wiping the toilet with this big ol’ smile on her face, her hair was just beautiful, her make- up was perfect, and I think she even had earrings on! All I could say was WOW! I gotta get me some of that! I don’t know how many sprays it took, so I’ll have to watch it again to be sure, but her old cleaner sure didn’t do that, no matter how much she sprayed it. Lo and Behold, another commercial came on. I had my pen and paper ready. This time it showed a bunch of dirty kids eating at a table, spilling their stuff everywhere. Again, I thought to myself, “Self, this looks quite familiar too!” So I turned up the volume. This one HAD to be good. My kids are dirty all of the time. We live in the country and that’s just what happens to kids who actually play outside! What gift from heaven could this be? Then BAM! An anonymous arm reaches in with just ONE paper towel, and as soon as that mom grabbed it, the whole kitchen/dining room was clean in seconds! Seconds I tell you! Commercials are usually only 30 seconds long, so this must be a wonderful, no…sensational paper towel! Go ahead…spend that extra 80 cents and get this bad boy, I don’t think you’ll regret it. In a flash, that woman’s entire day was changed. All of a sudden those kids looked bathed, with haircuts even! The table was spotless. The dog was bathed, the yard was mowed and the woman had dress clothes and high-heels on, AND get this…dinner was made. Oh yeah, I’m not lyin’, dinner was made. All from changing paper towels. One paper towel did ALL of that! (and the anonymous arm of course…kudos to the owner). Moms, I’m tellin’ ya now. We’ve been wasting our time! Doing housework, folding laundry non-stop, washing faces so they shine like the floors we are constantly cleaning. All a monumental waste of our precious energy. All these years, we’ve just been buying the wrong stuff! I think I’m gonna stop doing all that other stuff and just watch TV every chance I get to make sure I have the proper items. This is clearly the better way to go. Just think of the time we will save. New cleaner, new paper towels, new life – all in seconds! And all by just watching TV. Modern technology is just amazing. I am headed to the store AND I am takin’ an extra 80 cents!